In the past, the Townehouse phoenix has provided expose´ articles regarding common Christmas traditions that most take for granted. In the past the real story behind Rudolph and Frosty were brought to you first by the Phoenix. In keeping with the tradition of past Christmases, the Townehouse Phoenix, as a public service, will provide the real story behind those Christmas Elves. This expose´ is brutal and honest and not suitable for younger audiences. Those with young children in the room should click away now.
For many years now the Christmas Elves have been characterized as busy, industrious little helpers for Santa Claus. Santa Claus is thought by many as a benevolent old man who spreads Christmas cheer, hands out gifts , and is constantly saying Ho Ho Ho. In fact, nothing could be farther from the truth. First off, Santa is not human. As has been known for years, he is a ‘Jolly Old Elf”. Why he is some much larger than all the other elves is up for speculation. Is he an elf impostor? In fact, he is the leader of a gang known as “The Christmas Elves”. The Christmas Elves, in essence, are data miners whose sole purpose is the collection of information on children, where they live, what they want, and most of all, who is naughty and who is nice. All this information is then fed into a data base for a variety of nefarious reasons. The elves are silently standing by, taking notes, while Santa ask probing questions of little children sitting on his lap. Also, for so many years now, many have used fear and intimidation to frighten little children with “Santa is watching you”. Doesn’t that bother you? Is it not a matter of great concern that Santa can see into our homes from afar? Are there boundaries to this invasion of privacy? If he can see into our children’s lives, what is to stop him from seeing into our own life? Where and what does he see? Is he peering into our bedrooms, our bathrooms, our showers? Is he really a Jolly Old Elf or just a Dirty Old Man? No wonder he is constantly calling for his Ho ho ho’s.
Recently as sub-element has been added to the Christmas Elves. They are an elite brigade of elves known as the “Elf on the Shelf”. These elves, who allegedly only sit on a shelf, minding their own business are only there to assist in maintaining the “Naughty and nice” list. But what else are they doing? They are there in your home 24/7 doing who knows what else. I surmise they may be instrumental in planting hidden cameras, conducting inventory on all of our valuables in the home, and befriending the family dog and cat. Keep a close eye on them. It is rumored they are never in the same place twice.
They are really everywhere, in your homes, in the streets, in the malls. There is nowhere you can go to be safe from their ever prying eyes. The database is growing and soon there will be nothing left of your life that is private. Marvin Lewis has allegedly proposed the theory that they are not elves at all, but in fact a band of merry midgets posing as Christmas Elves. I think my biggest concern is that the database will be sold to email spammers, or even worse, to the Federal Government. Citizen’s Unite! Only if we stand together as one can we fight this threat to our privacy, our security, our freedom. Are you with me?
Those are my thoughts, what are yours?
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