{"id":1216,"date":"2019-12-16T16:15:02","date_gmt":"2019-12-16T21:15:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.townehouse.net\/phoenix\/?p=1216"},"modified":"2019-12-16T16:11:50","modified_gmt":"2019-12-16T21:11:50","slug":"christmas-elves-threaten-national-security","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=1216","title":{"rendered":"Christmas Elves Threaten National Security"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"evilelf\"<\/a>In the past, the Townehouse Blog has provided expose\u00b4 articles regarding common Christmas traditions that most take for granted. In the past the real story behind Rudolph <\/a>and Frosty <\/a>were brought to you first by the Townehouse Blog. In keeping with the tradition of past Christmases, the Townehouse Blog, as a public service, will provide the real story behind those Christmas Elves. This expose\u00b4 is brutal and honest and not suitable for younger audiences. Those with young children in the room should click away now.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

For many years now the Christmas Elves have been characterized as busy, industrious little helpers for Santa Claus. Santa Claus is thought by many as a benevolent old man who spreads Christmas cheer, hands out gifts\u00a0, and is constantly saying\u00a0Ho Ho Ho. In fact, nothing could be farther from the truth. First off, Santa is not human. As has been known for years, he is a ‘Jolly Old Elf\u201d. Why he is some much larger than all the other elves is up for speculation. Is he an elf impostor? \u00a0In fact, he is the leader of a gang known as \u201cThe Christmas Elves\u201d. The Christmas Elves, in essence, are data miners whose sole purpose is the collection of information on children, where they live, what they want, and most of all, who is naughty and who is nice. All this information is then fed into a data base for a variety of nefarious reasons. The elves are silently standing by, taking notes, while Santa ask probing questions of little children sitting on his lap. Also, for so many years now, many have used fear and intimidation to frighten little children with \u201cSanta is watching you\u201d. Doesn’t that bother you? Is it not a matter of great concern that Santa can see into our homes from afar? Are there\u00a0boundaries to this invasion of privacy? If he can see into our children’s lives, what is to stop him from seeing into our own life? Where and what does he see? Is he peering into our bedrooms, our bathrooms, our showers? Is he really a Jolly Old Elf or just a Dirty Old Man? No wonder he is constantly calling for his Ho ho ho’s.<\/p>\n

Recently as sub-element has been added to the Christmas Elves. They are an elite brigade of elves known as the \u201cElf on the Shelf<\/a>\u201d. These elves, who allegedly only sit on a shelf, minding their own business are only there to assist in maintaining the \u201cNaughty and nice\u201d list. But what else are they doing? They are there in your home 24\/7 doing who knows what else. I surmise they may be instrumental in planting hidden cameras,\u00a0conducting inventory on all of our\u00a0\u00a0valuables in the home, and befriending the family dog and cat. Keep a close eye on them. It is rumored they are never in the same place twice.<\/p>\n

They are really everywhere, in your homes, in the streets, in the malls. There is nowhere you can go to be safe from their ever prying eyes. The database is growing and soon there will be nothing left of your life that is private.Nancy Pelosi has allegedly suggested the theory that they are not elves at all, but in fact a band of merry midgets posing as Christmas Elves.\u00a0 She issued a stern warning when she told them “don’t mess with me”.\u00a0 \u00a0I think my biggest concern is that the database will be sold to email spammers, or even worse, to the Federal Government. Citizen’s Unite! Only if we stand together as one can we fight this threat to our privacy, our security, our freedom. Are you with me?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Those are my thoughts, what are yours?<\/p>\n

Feel free to comment, like, share, agree or disagree with this post.\u00a0 Please consider a free subscription.\u00a0 Options to like and\u00a0subscribe<\/a>\u00a0can be found elsewhere on the page.\u00a0 Thank you for reading the Townehouse Blog.<\/p>\n

This material may be published, broadcast, or redistributed.\u00a0 In fact, I encourage it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the past, the Townehouse phoenix has provided expose\u00b4 articles regarding common Christmas traditions that most take for granted. In the past the real story behind Rudolph and Frosty were brought to you first by the Phoenix. In keeping with the tradition of past Christmases, the Townehouse Phoenix, as a public service, will provide the real story behind those Christmas Elves. This expose\u00b4 is brutal and honest and not suitable for younger audiences. Those with young children in the room should click away now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12911,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_daextrevo_audio_file_creation_date":"","_daextrevo_text_to_speech":"","_daextrevo_document_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[18,24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1216","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-satire"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/THFI.png?fit=214%2C200&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":799,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=799","url_meta":{"origin":1216,"position":0},"title":"Rudolph’s Red Nose – The Real Story","author":"Tom Lind","date":"December 21, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. They were the original eight, also known as \u201cThe Eight Tiny\u201d. So where did Rudolph come from, and why was he promoted, without exam, to the head of the pack? Townehouse Phoenix was able\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"Rudolph the Narc","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/maxresdefault-150x150.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12874,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=12874","url_meta":{"origin":1216,"position":1},"title":"Christmas May Be Cancelled!","author":"Tom Lind","date":"December 20, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Reports have been coming in from the North Pole that there are serious issues developing between Santa Clause and certain factions of the Christmas Elves that may put the Christmas toy distribution project in jeopardy.\u00a0 Threats of an attempt coup of the Santa Organization have surfaced.\u00a0 \u00a0Although it is unclear\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/15418389_10210104106671655_2393119535432359370_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1227,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=1227","url_meta":{"origin":1216,"position":2},"title":"Christmas Day \u2013 2014","author":"Tom Lind","date":"December 25, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This may very well be the shortest blog article you ever see from me. I guess that is my Christmas Gift to those who read the Townehouse Phoenix. May you have a very Merry Christmas. If you do not share my faith, then may you have a most Happy Holiday.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Miscellaneous"","block_context":{"text":"Miscellaneous","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?cat=19"},"img":{"alt_text":"star-over-bethlehem-150x150","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/star-over-bethlehem-150x150.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":374,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=374","url_meta":{"origin":1216,"position":3},"title":"Townehouse Phoenix Subscription Event","author":"Tom Lind","date":"February 28, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Welcome to the Townehouse\u00a0Phoenix subscription drive. This is based on a Facebook created event. The first thing you need to know is that this is a virtual event. So if you are out driving around looking for the event you can go home. You won't find it. Now that you\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"Subscribe Now!","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/02\/subscribe-150x150.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12922,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=12922","url_meta":{"origin":1216,"position":4},"title":"Happy New Year Y\u2019all","author":"Tom Lind","date":"January 1, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Well, we made it!\u00a0 Another year gone by and still alive and kicking.\u00a0 Admittedly not kicking quite as hard as in preceding years but kicking, nonetheless.\u00a0 And that is a good thing.\u00a0 So, today is not only an anniversary date for the world as we begin another year but is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Miscellaneous"","block_context":{"text":"Miscellaneous","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?cat=19"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/New-Year-Baby-Blank-324x235-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12885,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=12885","url_meta":{"origin":1216,"position":5},"title":"Christmas \u2013 2019","author":"Tom Lind","date":"December 25, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"To my family and friends and all other readers of the Townehouse, here are a few thoughts I have had about Christmas over the past few days.\u00a0 I would like to share them with all of you.\u00a0 Sharing this article with you is my Christmas present to you all.\u00a0 I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Commentary"","block_context":{"text":"Commentary","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?cat=13"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/merry-christmas-2019-text-with-elegant-vector-22962599.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p38YRh-jC","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1216","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1216"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1216\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12870,"href":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1216\/revisions\/12870"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/12911"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1216"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1216"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1216"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}