{"id":12874,"date":"2019-12-20T12:09:16","date_gmt":"2019-12-20T17:09:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=12874"},"modified":"2019-12-20T14:09:21","modified_gmt":"2019-12-20T19:09:21","slug":"christmas-may-be-cancelled","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=12874","title":{"rendered":"Christmas May Be Cancelled!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"12876\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?attachment_id=12876\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/15418389_10210104106671655_2393119535432359370_o.jpg?fit=200%2C200&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"200,200\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"15418389_10210104106671655_2393119535432359370_o\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/15418389_10210104106671655_2393119535432359370_o.jpg?fit=200%2C200&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12876 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/15418389_10210104106671655_2393119535432359370_o.jpg?resize=200%2C200&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/15418389_10210104106671655_2393119535432359370_o.jpg?w=200&amp;ssl=1 200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/15418389_10210104106671655_2393119535432359370_o.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\" \/>Reports have been coming in from the North Pole that there are serious issues developing between Santa Clause and certain factions of the Christmas Elves that may put the Christmas toy distribution project in jeopardy.\u00a0 Threats of an attempt coup of the Santa Organization have surfaced.\u00a0 \u00a0Although it is unclear of the source of the information,\u00a0it may have been received from an elf known only as Whistler.\u00a0 Whistler has made some serious allegations against the integrity of Santa Clause and has stated that his entire administration of the North Pole enterprise is rife with corruption.\u00a0 Santa has sequestered himself in the deepest recesses of the Toy Factory and is frantically checking his lists, not only once, but twice.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>The Christmas Elves have divided themselves into two factions.\u00a0 Those who support Santa, known as the Scarlet Elves, and those who oppose his administration, known as the Azure Elves.\u00a0 The leader of the Azure Elves, who is known as Blue Nosey, has stated they have valid and uncontested rumors of Santa&#8217;s misconduct and feel he should be immediately dethroned as the Head Elf of the North Pole Enterprise.\u00a0 Blue Nosey, when asked to elaborate became outraged and said \u201cOh Yeah, well my old man can beat up your old man, so don&#8217;t mess with me\u201d.\u00a0 There are serious concerns of the mental stability of Blue Nosey and it has been said that she has been at it way to long.\u00a0 We have reached out to Blue Nosey for comment but have been told she is sleeping in a cup or something like that).<\/p>\n<p>There are two serious allegations leveled at Santa and are listed below:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Allegation #1 &#8211;<strong> Soliciting a Bribe<\/strong> &#8211; Santa Clause has repeatedly insisted that a plate of cookies and a glass of milk be found at each location where he is expected to deliver toys to all the good little girls and boys.<\/li>\n<li>Allegation #2 &#8211;<strong> Unlawful Quid Pro Quo &#8211; <\/strong>Santa is is expecting to have free parking on each roof top and unfettered access to each chimney of every domicile and in turn toys are to be delivered.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The speaker for the Pro Santa group of the Scarlet Elves, who is known by his elf name of Itchy Mac, has stated the allegations are based simply on hearsay and speculation.\u00a0 He stated that the bribery claim is pure fabrication because he personally knows of many locations where cookies and milk have not been left out and the toys are still delivered.\u00a0 He pointed out that it would be impossible for Santa to consume cookies and milk at every house as it would be too time consuming.\u00a0 Also, as Santa has a known weight problem, it would certainly serve to exacerbate his condition. Numerous Christmas Card illustrations over the years have shown that his belly, which shakes like a bowl full of\u00a0jelly, has remained the same.\u00a0 Additionally, Santa&#8217;s weight is a matter of public record from his annual physicals.<\/p>\n<p>As far as Allegation #2 is concerned, Itchy Mac blew it off as pure fabrication.\u00a0 There is no evidence to substantiate this claim.\u00a0 \u00a0 He is ready to provide witnesses\u00a0 who state they do not have a fireplace and their HOA does not permit roof top parking of sleighs at any time of the year.\u00a0 \u00a0 He claims Santa will certainly be vindicated and he hopes to put this matter behind him before the scheduled takeoff on Christmas Eve.\u00a0 He said he is confident that Santa will be around for four more centuries.<\/p>\n<p>We will continue to monitor this developing situation and will bring updates as they happen.\u00a0 \u00a0Although it is unseemly for a reporter to comment on the issues, we feel that this will be quickly resolve and the skies will be resounding with the sound of Santa&#8217;s &#8220;Merry Christmas to All, and to all a Good Night&#8221;.\u00a0 The Townehouse Blog echoes this sentiment as well.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Those are my thoughts, what are yours?<\/p>\n<p>Feel free to comment, like, share, agree or disagree with this post.\u00a0 Please consider a free subscription.\u00a0 Options to like and\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/subscription-info\/\">subscribe<\/a>\u00a0can be found elsewhere on the page.\u00a0 Thank you for reading the Townehouse Blog.<\/p>\n<p>This material may be published, broadcast, or redistributed.\u00a0 In fact, I encourage it.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Reports have been coming in from the North Pole that there are serious issues developing between Santa Clause and certain factions of the Christmas Elves that may put the Christmas toy distribution project in jeopardy.\u00a0 [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12876,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_daextrevo_audio_file_creation_date":"","_daextrevo_text_to_speech":"","_daextrevo_document_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[18,24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12874","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-satire"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/15418389_10210104106671655_2393119535432359370_o.jpg?fit=200%2C200&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1216,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=1216","url_meta":{"origin":12874,"position":0},"title":"Christmas Elves Threaten National Security","author":"Tom Lind","date":"December 16, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"In the past, the Townehouse phoenix has provided expose\u00b4 articles regarding common Christmas traditions that most take for granted. In the past the real story behind Rudolph and Frosty were brought to you first by the Phoenix. In keeping with the tradition of past Christmases, the Townehouse Phoenix, as a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Humor&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"evilelf","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/evilelf-150x150.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":799,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=799","url_meta":{"origin":12874,"position":1},"title":"Rudolph&#8217;s Red Nose &#8211; The Real Story","author":"Tom Lind","date":"December 21, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. They were the original eight, also known as \u201cThe Eight Tiny\u201d. So where did Rudolph come from, and why was he promoted, without exam, to the head of the pack? Townehouse Phoenix was able\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Humor&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Humor","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?cat=18"},"img":{"alt_text":"Rudolph the Narc","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/maxresdefault-150x150.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":14403,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=14403","url_meta":{"origin":12874,"position":2},"title":"Christmas 2024.\u00a0","author":"Tom Lind","date":"December 25, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"As I write these words on Christmas Eve, I\u2019m transported back to cherished memories of past Christmases. These moments, like the ghosts of Christmas Past, haunt me, making it difficult to reflect forward. I wonder, \u00a0is it possible to reflect forward, Perhaps I\u2019ll give it a try someday. The most\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Nostalgia&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Nostalgia","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/th122524.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":295,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=295","url_meta":{"origin":12874,"position":3},"title":"Christmas Eve Crime Alert!","author":"Tom Lind","date":"December 22, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Police agencies locally, nationally, and around the world are gearing up for an anticipated crime spree of home invasions, criminal damaging, and animal cruelty. We spoke with Chief Hille of the Candyland Police Department (CPD) who feels that due to innovative policing there is a good chance the \"perp\" will\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Miscellaneous&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Miscellaneous","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?cat=19"},"img":{"alt_text":"PERSON OF INTERST","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/12\/Evil_Santa1-150x150.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":11941,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=11941","url_meta":{"origin":12874,"position":4},"title":"Ghosts of Christmas Past","author":"Tom Lind","date":"December 20, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I am sure that everyone has seen some rendition of \u201cA Christmas Carol\u201d. I have seen many versions over many years. So when I speak of Ghosts from Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future you will have a notion of what I am talking about. My Ghosts of Christmas\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Nostalgia&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Nostalgia","link":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/painting-repro-font-b-Christmas-b-font-font-b-Village-b-font-Guaranteed-100-Free-shipping.jpg?fit=800%2C600&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/painting-repro-font-b-Christmas-b-font-font-b-Village-b-font-Guaranteed-100-Free-shipping.jpg?fit=800%2C600&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/painting-repro-font-b-Christmas-b-font-font-b-Village-b-font-Guaranteed-100-Free-shipping.jpg?fit=800%2C600&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/townehouse.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/painting-repro-font-b-Christmas-b-font-font-b-Village-b-font-Guaranteed-100-Free-shipping.jpg?fit=800%2C600&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":71,"url":"https:\/\/townehouse.net\/?p=71","url_meta":{"origin":12874,"position":5},"title":"Merry Christmas, that&#8217;s right I said it, Merry Christmas","author":"Tom Lind","date":"December 15, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Merry Christmas! 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