Once upon a time, in the Land of Carpet there was the court clown. He was known as The Doofus Stooge. Now, Stooge’s primary function was not the clown, but one of the guards of the land. He carried a shield and various weapons. His job was to protect the citizens of the Land, but mostly he was found indoors, amusing and placating The High Sovereign.
One morning Stooge woke up and realized he was old, slow and fat. Additionally, he realized he had lost his nerve and was very afraid to venture forth into the land and protect those he was sworn to protect. Just the thought of it made him break out in a cold nervous sweat. So he went to The High Sovereign and said “hmmgrpj, hrmphhmp, hpmrrrg”. The High Sovereign said “get your head out of my arse, I cannot understand a word you said”. After much struggling, straining, grunting,and groaning, The Doofus Stooge was able to extricate his head. He explained to The High Sovereign that he still wanted to wear the uniform of the Guard, but did not want to do what the guards were hired to do. The Sovereign then asked, “What do you wish to do”.
Stooge explained he wanted to join the elite group of Wizards who lived high on the hill. He too wanted to be a Wizard. Sovereign stated “but you are not qualified to be a Wizard”. Stooge responded “am too”. And with that explanation of his qualifications, The High Sovereign understood and sent him to the hill. Stooge failed to realize that all the real Wizards would see him for the phony that he was and would reject allowing him into the group. Stooge complained to The High Sovereign that nobody likes him and they call him names and make fun of him. The High Sovereign then issued an edict “Give Him What He wants”. Sovereign told The Doofus Stooge to report anyone who did not give him the respect he did not deserve and he would banish them to the Extraterrestrial Station.
And so it continues to this day. The High Sovereign continues to run back and forth between the North and South Poles. The Doofus Stooge remains afraid and continues to tell everyone how smart he is. And the real Wizards just sit and wait, except for those who have been banished.