Sometimes I Sits and Thinks

Some years back, while on a vacation weekend to Gatlinburg, Tennessee my wife and I spent a pleasurable day walking in and out, and in and out, and in and out of the ah so many small shops on the main strip. One witticism I saw on the wall has stuck with me over the years. The phrase “Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits” was fairly descriptive of my own lifestyle. Below are some examples of what happens when I sits and thinks. Knowing full well that some of this could later be used for evidential purposes in a commitment hearing, I decided to put them out there anyway. Here are my thoughts.

• While employed I could afford to do the things I wanted to do, but did not have the time. Now that I am retired. . . .well, you know.
• As the days grow shorter, my mood grows darker. What ‘sup wit dat?
• Cherish every moment
• It is Friday again. Didn’t we just have Friday? How come Friday comes around quicker every week than it did the week before? What’s going on, am I on Candid Camera?
• Now that we have had our first freeze, we can look forward to Indian Summer. May it be long. . .until next spring would be fine.
• I don’t mind the brown spots in the lawn. By contrast, the green spots look that much better.
• Those days when you do not have a song stuck in your head are some of the best days of all. This isn’t one of them.
• My wife must really love me. She brought home a brand new vacuum cleaner for me to use. Problem is, I cannot find any vacuums that need cleaning.
• I did not know retirement was forever. I thought you retired, and then were rehired, just like the last time. Anyone hiring? I work for money!
• Kristoff and Anna have parted ways. He said she is frigid.
• When I was in grade school the good nuns used to threaten those who misbehaved (not me) with the expression “Woe betide”. It must have been frightening since it took me until now to look up the meaning.
• Is there a cable news network that impartially reports the news? Does such a thing exist?
• Both the Republicans and Democrats are using the Ebola scare to gain political advantage. This is not surprising. My suggestion for this and future political objectives: All of Congress meet outside and have a good old-fashioned rumble. Winner takes all. Oh yeah, and let us change the names of the two parties to the Sharks and the jets.
• I know that the falling leaves are a part of nature’s plan, but i truly do not believe that raking leaves was in the plan.
• If it is not yours, if you do not own it, then keep your filthy little felonious mitts off of it. That is all.
• Some ask why, some ask why not. Regardless of the question, when it is your grandchild asking, it becomes tedious after several hundred inquiries in a row.
• After what I witnessed today during the playing of the National Anthem before my Grandson’s football game, the following needs to be reiterated regarding saluting the flag: “To salute, all persons come to attention. Those in uniform give the appropriate formal salute. Citizens not in uniform salute by placing their right hand over the heart and men with head cover should remove it and hold it to left shoulder, hand over the heart. Members of organizations in formation salute upon command of the person in charge.”. Please note that nowhere in there does it mention arms at your side, or folded over your chest, or particularly anything about hands in your pockets. Respect our flag people. Many have died defending it. Proudly may she wave.
• Okay Lord, I know, based on the life I have led, that I am on borrowed time. If you don’t mind, I would like to borrow some more. In fact, if possible, would you set up an open-ended account for me to use as I need until I am finished? Thanks in advance.
• Fall is that wonderful time of the year when the leaves turn to magnificent colors and fall gently to the ground. But why is my little dog compelled to alert me to each and every leaf fall he witnesses?
• Thank God for Grandchildren for they help to keep me insane. Without them I might start to think and act rationally, and what fun would that be?
• U.S. is evacuating non-essential personnel from Yemen. My question is, if they are non-essential, why were they there in the first place?
• Today at 10:29 pm. we transition into Fall. Huh? But wait, I wasn’t done with summer yet!
• Just wondering, what would you take if you had an allergic reaction to Benadryl?

Those are my thoughts, what are yours?

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