Nov 07

Good Grief!

Grief-2255x2828So sorry I haven’t been around for a while. What is the old expression? The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I don’t want to talk about my flesh, but I know my heart hasn’t been into this for a while. All the time I think of things I might want to discuss in this blog, but actually sitting at the keyboard and making the effort has been too difficult. But I promise to do better for my fan or fans. I know why it has been difficult, and that brings us to the topic of this article.

Where did the expression “Good Grief” come from, I can tell you there is nothing good about grief or even grieving. Grieving hurts, grieving sucks. So, since it hurts the best thing to do is to get over it and move on. Ah, but therein lies the rub. How does one get over it and move on? I think the answer to that question is as many as their are people grieving. Each person must handle grief in their own way. Some cry a lot, some drink a lot, others try to keep things exactly as they were, sans the person we are grieving over. In that lies the key. We all need to grieve in our own way, and we all need to figure out how to do it, and then move on. We have heard all the platitudes and plongitudes (I made that word up) such as “its Gods will”, or “time heals all wounds”. Outwardly we smile and say thank you, inwardly we grimace and say shut the f up. Those who concern me are the people that I love who are grieving and can’t seem to get past it. All I can offer is my method of dealing with grief. So here goes.

I make compartments in my mind and put the person, and the grieving of that person, in a compartment. This serves two purposes. I always know where to find it, and it is out of the way when it needs to be out of the way. First step is to build a mental box using materials of your choosing. I think the size of the box depends on the amount of love you had for the person you are grieving. The good news is, there is no limit on the size of the box. Once the box is built, the next step is to fill the box with memories. As you fill the box, you need to take each memory, examine it, and place it in the box. Since our most recent memories are those of the loss, those will be examined and placed in the box first. Eventually, as we fill the box, the better memories, the ones that make you smile go in and they are placed on top. Once the box is full, place it in the compartment. You can take it out and look at the contents anytime you want. As time goes on, you will find that you need to take the box out less and less. And when you do, you will find that eventually you only look at the contents near the top. At that point your grief becomes loving memories and you can proceed with living.

There is one platitude that is true. When someone says ” (insert name) would not want you to be sad” I think this is very true. Any way, this is how I handle grief. My only advise is, don’t make the box to big, and don’t spend too much time filling the box. The expression needs to change from “Good Grief” to “Good Memories”.

 

Those are my thoughts, what are yours.

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