Christmas May Be Cancelled!

Reports have been coming in from the North Pole that there are serious issues developing between Santa Clause and certain factions of the Christmas Elves that may put the Christmas toy distribution project in jeopardy.  Threats of an attempt coup of the Santa Organization have surfaced.   Although it is unclear of the source of the information, it may have been received from an elf known only as Whistler.  Whistler has made some serious allegations against the integrity of Santa Clause and has stated that his entire administration of the North Pole enterprise is rife with corruption.  Santa has sequestered himself in the deepest recesses of the Toy Factory and is frantically checking his lists, not only once, but twice.

The Christmas Elves have divided themselves into two factions.  Those who support Santa, known as the Scarlet Elves, and those who oppose his administration, known as the Azure Elves.  The leader of the Azure Elves, who is known as Blue Nosey, has stated they have valid and uncontested rumors of Santa’s misconduct and feel he should be immediately dethroned as the Head Elf of the North Pole Enterprise.  Blue Nosey, when asked to elaborate became outraged and said “Oh Yeah, well my old man can beat up your old man, so don’t mess with me”.  There are serious concerns of the mental stability of Blue Nosey and it has been said that she has been at it way to long.  We have reached out to Blue Nosey for comment but have been told she is sleeping in a cup or something like that).

There are two serious allegations leveled at Santa and are listed below:

  • Allegation #1 – Soliciting a Bribe – Santa Clause has repeatedly insisted that a plate of cookies and a glass of milk be found at each location where he is expected to deliver toys to all the good little girls and boys.
  • Allegation #2 – Unlawful Quid Pro Quo – Santa is is expecting to have free parking on each roof top and unfettered access to each chimney of every domicile and in turn toys are to be delivered.

 

The speaker for the Pro Santa group of the Scarlet Elves, who is known by his elf name of Itchy Mac, has stated the allegations are based simply on hearsay and speculation.  He stated that the bribery claim is pure fabrication because he personally knows of many locations where cookies and milk have not been left out and the toys are still delivered.  He pointed out that it would be impossible for Santa to consume cookies and milk at every house as it would be too time consuming.  Also, as Santa has a known weight problem, it would certainly serve to exacerbate his condition. Numerous Christmas Card illustrations over the years have shown that his belly, which shakes like a bowl full of jelly, has remained the same.  Additionally, Santa’s weight is a matter of public record from his annual physicals.

As far as Allegation #2 is concerned, Itchy Mac blew it off as pure fabrication.  There is no evidence to substantiate this claim.    He is ready to provide witnesses  who state they do not have a fireplace and their HOA does not permit roof top parking of sleighs at any time of the year.    He claims Santa will certainly be vindicated and he hopes to put this matter behind him before the scheduled takeoff on Christmas Eve.  He said he is confident that Santa will be around for four more centuries.

We will continue to monitor this developing situation and will bring updates as they happen.   Although it is unseemly for a reporter to comment on the issues, we feel that this will be quickly resolve and the skies will be resounding with the sound of Santa’s “Merry Christmas to All, and to all a Good Night”.  The Townehouse Blog echoes this sentiment as well.

 

Those are my thoughts, what are yours?

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